Wow, look at me now!

One of the most fascinating things about where I come from is how it colors how I think today. Fifteen years ago today I left the world I knew and headed out for an unknown future.  I certainly didn't expect to have a master's degree, two children, a good life and a great man (all of which I have now).  So I thought it only fitting to take a walk down memory lane and look at how science and reason led me to the life I have now.

Reason is a precious commodity and one that was not appreciated in the world I knew.  In some ways my world was like a snowglobe - completely cut off from reality and others.  But we were in the midst of the others all the time. We could see them and hear them and be around them.  But we didn't want to be them.   We didn't want to be worldly and that included not having friends in our church, watching how we dressed, not attending rated R movies, not cussing, not celebrating holidays and birthdays, not voting, not saluting the flag, not...not....not....

But all those nots are not what led me out.  In fact, it would be years before those nots would matter to me at all.    This is an important point because many who I left behind think that if only I hadn't been seduced by the worldly things I would still be doing what I had always done.  Yet what I had always done was think and read.  Ultimately this was how I came to leave everything I knew and head out for the unknown world.  

Would I always stay on the right path?  It was cramped and narrow, right? (Matt. 7: 13, 14)

Now a few caveats are in order.  One, I'm not interested in bashing the religion of my youth.  I think this religion is dangerously misguided in such a way that people have actually died.  But I'm not interested in naming names or telling tales.  I simply plan to relate my story, my life, my truth and go from there.  Secondly there are important parts to my story that simply don't fit in this blog.  So some things may seem simplistic.  I'm sorry if that is the case - nothing is ever simple as you know.  Also, I will refer to scriptures and beliefs the way my church taught them. I understand this is outside the mainstream of Christianity.  I know what the differences are - you don't need to tell me.  Finally, I'm not interested in returning to a life where the Bible is the authority on everything.  I've researched and read more than anyone I know and no amount of preaching is going to change my mind.  

So anyway here's my story:

In 1997 I had been living in Minnesota.  This was far away from my childhood home in the deserts of Arizona.  But I was never truly alone.  I belonged to a tight knit organization that called each other brothers and sisters who cared for each other truly.   At least we said we did and in my life it had always proven true. However, in May 1997 I had appendicitis and ran out of money.  My dad came and rescued me and I went back home to my parents' house.  I was 26 and had no career and at that moment I felt as if I had no future either.  I had been raised to believe that this "wicked system of things" was ending imminently and only those doing God's will completely would be saved.  So we were counseled not to go to college, not to pursue a career and certainly not to marry an unbeliever.  As a result I was an old maid at 26 (many young men had told me that I was scary smart along the way) with past business experience cleaning toilets, doing receptionist work and any other part time job I could find.  My primary career, as I saw it, was going door to door preaching 90 hours per month - all volunteer time, gas, and wear and tear on my car.

In 1997 my parents had the Internet.  We were counseled never to read anything that could cause us to question our faith.  But I was a voracious reader and incredibly curious.  So it was a matter of time before I began to read what people said of my faith.  What I found out shook me to my core.  But I had no one to talk to about it.  So I found an online friend by the name of Jason.  Jason was in graduate school in Kentucky and loved to research.  He started sending me quotes and stories about the religion I grew up in.  Things about dates (which really is a complicated topic for another day), about beliefs and changes to those beliefs, about subjectivity and reasoning, about the need for objective views.

A new world opened up to me.  This was a world in which a questioning attitude was taken as an article of faith.  To not question was not an option.  He forced me to examine my closely held beliefs in a way that was at once accepting of my answers yet not afraid to press on where there were no answers.

And then came that fateful Sunday......